The Journey To Love: From doing to Being

Many people I have worked with, in my role as a psychologist, have displayed a conflict over satisfying their needs and desires versus giving to others. This conflict can be particularly intense for people who have a strong religious or spiritual orientation. This conflict can take different forms, which I will examine later, but at the root is a false identification with the sense of separate individual identity or the ego. When a persons identity shifts to the divine light within there cannot be any conflict. In this sense, the presence of any discomfort or conflict indicates the dominance of ego identification.

I have observed that in some religiously or spiritually oriented people there is a tendency to play a martyr or victim role. Of course people who have no religious or spiritual orientation can also play these roles. In the martyr role, a person is aware that they are making sacrifices for others. They may seek recognition for the sacrifices they are making or use their sacrifices as a tool to manipulate and control others behavior. The key here is the thought that “I am making a sacrifice” or “I am doing something solely for your benefit” coupled with a feeling of effort that can be experienced as a burden or sacrifice. There is an expectation that ones desire for recognition, approval, love and reciprocal behavior from the other will be satisfied. With the satisfaction of those desires, positive feelings arise. When those desires are not satisfied, disappointment occurs. Then feelings of hurt, sadness, and righteous indignation can occur. In the victim role a person experiences themselves as being manipulated, controlled, treated unfairly and even abused by another person. Feelings of helplessness, depression, anger and fantasies of revenge can arise.

Another role-play with many variations is “king of the hill” which involves being better than or more powerful than others. It involves a sense of dominance and control or being more righteous and holier than others. One problem is there are others who want to be “king of the hill” and will try to drag you down or climb over you. The Darwinian notion of survival of the fittest comes into play and there is competition, conflict and stress. Those not playing the game will have a tendency to either passively or actively resist control and domination leading to frustration for the king. From frustration feelings of anger arise and there are increased attempts to impose ones authority and failing that to marginalize or remove the irritant of the resistor.

People fall in love and proclaim their love for one another. When the word love is used it usually means “you please me”. At that moment our desires are being fulfilled. But what happens when the person you profess to love fails to fulfill or even actively frustrates your desires. Then there likely arises frustration, sadness, irritation and anger.

My spiritual teacher, Swami Rama (1925-1996) said “spirituality begins where individuality ends”. Another way of saying this is that spirituality begins when ones identification shifts from the individual identity (self) to the divine presence within (Self) which is the Self of all. Before that transformation we can experience moments of selfless love but those moments tend to be fleeting. After that transformation our state of being is infinite unconditional selfless love that embraces all and excludes none. At that point we no longer have any desires for anything from anyone and suffering ceases. At that point we are established in love and the thoughts, words and actions that emanate from that state of Being are perfect expressions of that Love and flow effortlessly. In that state of Being we do and say just the right thing at the right time with the right emphasis. And this is done without effort, or sacrifice. It is an expression of the Joy and Love of our Being. Before we experience that state, our belief in the possibility of its attainment will act as a motivator to work on ourselves to remove all the barriers to the realization of this Divine presence. If you choose to undertake this spiritual journey a very helpful book based on lectures by my teacher Swami Rama is The Art of Joyful Living.

Reaching a state of being where you are infinite, unconditional selfless love has been described by many different words and phrases including Christ Consciousness, samdhi, enlightenment, moksha, Self-realization, and God consciousness. It is mentioned in the Bible in the statement “be still and know that I am God” and in Christ’s statement, “I and my father are one”. It was expressed by Swami Rama in three statements he made:
The most ancient language in the world is love.
Selflessness is the singular expression of love.
Love all and exclude none, that is the key to enlightenment.

Even though that state of Being is beyond our comprehension in our ordinary waking state of consciousness we are given a glimpse into that mystery by Swami Rama Tirtha (1873 – 1906).
I Am That

I have no scruple of change, nor fear of death,
Nor was I ever born,
Nor had I parents.
I am Existence Absolute, Knowledge Absolute, Bliss Absolute,
I am That, I am That.

I cause no misery, nor am I miserable;
I have no enemy, nor am I enemy.
I am Existence Absolute, Knowledge Absolute, Bliss Absolute,
I am That, I am That.

I am without form, without limit,
Beyond space, beyond time,
I am in everything, everything is in me.
I am the bliss of the universe,
Everywhere am I.
I am Existence Absolute, Knowledge Absolute, Bliss Absolute,
I am That, I am That.

I am without body, or change of the body,
I am neither senses, nor objects of senses,
I am Existence Absolute, Knowledge Absolute, Bliss Absolute,
I am That, I am That.

I am neither sin, nor virtue,
Nor temple, nor worship,
Nor pilgrimage, nor books.
I am Existence Absolute, Knowledge Absolute, Bliss Absolute,
I am That, I am That.